The Future is Here

Throughout our life we are constantly preparing for events/milestones/changes. For 8 years we prepare for our baptism. We can't wait for our 16th birthday to get that driver's license. For 18 years you anticipate walking across that stage in your camp and gown and getting your diploma, and as girls aren't we always wondering about that special someone we will meet to whom we will finally say "I DO!"?

We are conditioned culturally for these milestones. Those that have gone before us as well as every outside influence (movies/magazines/books etc...) prepare us for these changes. We see examples everywhere and from everyone of how these changes are met, which gives us peace and confidence that we, like them, can do it too. And this is all done naturally. With hardly a thought! We prepare and when the time comes we just do it! No muss. No fuss. 

I have never been met with a life experience that has terrified me more than that of being a mother. As a Mormon, becoming a mother and creating an eternal family is in our DNA! We are taught our divine role of motherhood our entire life! Just like learning to drive, graduating from high school, and getting married, motherhood was a concept as natural as breathing.

I know I have been conditioned/prepared as much as anyone, and yet I'm terrified. The hardest part has been how unprepared I was for these thoughts and feelings. They have gotten better, or maybe I've just learned how to feel or think around them rather than engaging in the thoughts/feelings head on. But as I've been promised by my doctor, no one stays pregnant forever. Haha! Today was my original due date. After my first ultrasound it was changed to April 30th. I have no idea when our little woman is making her debut but one thing is certain: No one stays pregnant forever. For sure within the next 14 days I will have a little person in my life and nothing will ever be the same. My time for preparing is over.

Wow. We really are here aren't we?! After 272 days thinking of this experience in the far off future, the future is here. It's now. The time for preparing is over and I will be joining the ranks of motherhood with all of you that have gone before me. I hope I am ready. I hope that those deep parts of what make a woman/a mother/a nurturer will take over and that this transition will be joyful, peaceful, and natural.

My first major change begins Friday. After six years working with these funny and amazing people I will be awaiting the start of my next job. One that I can't half-ass my way through! Haha. Well I guess I can if I want my children to be screwed up...

And I digress...

Prayers welcome. Perhaps one day I look back at these ramblings and think 'Wow, girlfriend needed to take a chill pill!' Let's cross our fingers and hope!