Beginnings & Endings

When we arrived at the hospital at 7:00 am on May 7th, the nurse asked what my goals were for the delivery. She listed them on the whiteboard as I named them. By 10:24 pm we had our little Vienna and only one of my five goals came to fruition, but it was the only one that mattered: V was here and she was perfect! Our 4 days in the hospital passed quickly and it was truly a bit of heaven being with my two loves and having visits from friends and family. When we got home from the hospital on Friday I was sure that I was in heaven and for the first time since I became pregnant felt the peace of which I'd been pleading.

Vienna - 4 Days Old

 

We were just three days home from the hospital when Adam's dad, Tracy, was released to come and stay with us. The following weeks he bounced back and forth from our home to the hospital due to fevers caused by infections in his body. His liver was being damaged by the chemo so the doctors stopped the chemo in an attempt to diminish/control/abolish the infections throughout his body. However the damage was done. No more treatments were available and his body was too weak. Cancer cells had taken over and during our visit on July 4th we were told it was time to place Dad in hospice care.

In order for Tracy to come home, he needed to be on a ground level room to accommodate the hospice bed. That night Adam and I began to box up the nursery. It was surreal seeing all of the valley lit with fireworks. It seemed as though everyone in the world was celebrating while our world was falling apart. We packed up all of V's things and moved the changing table and some clothes into our room. I admit that night I was sad and scared. I was sad that a room I had created for this new little life was going to be a room where my father-in-law would die. I had a lot of emotions and fears that night and in the coming weeks. Being a new mommy and having a bit of postpartum depression I was a mess which compounded quickly when I had 9-21 people living in my home from July 2nd - July 27th. I know that the Lord blessed me. I knew I needed to be strong for Adam and was miraculously able to hold it together.

The night before Dad passed I sat in his room with Ana, his wife, and her daughter Ali. Dad looked so frail. His breath was so shallow and labored. At one point in the night we heard some gurgling and I held a flashlight as Ana used little sponges to soak up some blood in his mouth. It was awful. He was in pain. He had not been coherent for days and it was heartbreaking to watch him fade away. He passed about 8 hours later. I don't know how to express the loss. We miss him and his absence from our home and from this world is tangible.

The days that followed were some of the worst and most miraculous that Adam and I have ever experienced. When Tracy was diagnosed two years ago they lost everything. He had to give up his job, their home, a truck, and liquidated their savings to help pay for the treatments he would receive. Needless to say two years later they had nothing and Adam and his siblings were faced with the overwhelming task of coming up with $11,000  to pay for the funeral expenses. It seemed impossible. It was impossible. By the time we exhausted every resource we had only come up with half and were desperate for a miracle. We had done everything, followed every lead, liquidated what we could, and pleaded with the Lord to help us find a way to cover the other half.

I cannot tell you how humbled I am due to the outpouring of love and kindness we received. Our friends and family were tools in the Lord's hand and came to our rescue. Adam and I were overcome with emotion. How did we get so lucky? How were we so fortunate to have such generous, loving, thoughtful, charitable, Christ like people in our life? How can we ever repay such kindness?

I pray that no one has to go through the struggle we have gone through, but I also pray that if you do, Adam and I will be in a place to help others as we have been helped these past weeks.

We love and thank you.

Four Generations: Great Grandpa, Grandpa, Adam with his crazy pre-Spartan mohawk, & Baby V